Giving Honor to Our Father

Giving Honor to Our Father
 
We just celebrated Father’s Day.  I realize for many of you, this day comes and goes without much thought of your father. According to The Extent of Fatherlessness – National Center for Fathering based on their research and statistics, there are “More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent.”
That is an overwhelming number of children without the influence of a father.  I have known and seen the dysfunctional homes that were healthier without the father because the issues of the father were so deep and damaging; however, God created the perfect design in Genesis. The family was designed to have a father and mother. Despite the dysfunction of today’s broken families, there is hope for God’s redeeming power to make a family whole.
 
 All families have some level of dysfunction and certainly all families have room for growth however that comes with intentionality.  As a new family is created, each partner has the opportunity to improve upon their family origin by choosing what they deem as beneficial while adding new patterns, practices, and traditions to their new family. Sometimes, dysfunctional and destructive patterns need to be broken, so the new family becomes known as “chain breakers”.  I applaud those families who have been able to break the chains of abuse, addiction, abandonment and absence physically and emotionally.  It is from this frame of mind that I share and honor my father for what he has contributed to our family, what we have chosen to continue and add to as we raised our children.
 
Our father had a challenging start. His father died when he was 3 years old leaving him very distraught. His mother remarried as a result of a correspondence with a man who had lost his wife leaving him a single parent with an infant and two small sons. Sometimes after tragedy, families blend together to raise children. I think my grandmother, along with her two children created a new family with this single parent of three children. While I think she did a fairly good job mothering, her counterpart did not do so well in many areas.  Our father was always the stepson to his stepfather, with verbal reminders. I am reminded of Romans 5:3-5 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. My father developed a deep character in his life as a result of those 14 years in that family structure and it’s the result of the character building that helped form a different family when he married my mother.  
 
August 1, it will be 10 years since my father’s passing.  As a family, we find peace knowing that our father had accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior.  While in high school, our father walked the aisle at church with his stepbrothers but really did not make a commitment to Christ.  It wasn’t until he was married with several little children running around that he began wrestling with his spiritual condition.  Our mother said he came home from work one day and was so bothered knowing his eternal fate was not settled that they called the pastor to come to the home. It was on that home visit that our father sealed his relationship with Jesus Christ as his Savior.  Our father knew the life he was projecting was not in sync with his actual spiritual condition.  Our father got it right in accepting Christ. From that day forward, he was a changed man, not perfect but trying. 
 
After that life changing experience, our father had to learn how to be a father. Five children in seven years was a tough road for any family.  Growing up, our father learned to balance school, work and sports, which developed a strong work ethic.  He was used to working hard and that continued as a father of a big household.  My father had “grit”.  If you are unfamiliar with this concept, I highly recommend Ted Talk 2013 called Grit: the power of passion and perseverance by Angela Lee Duckworth.  It is in this short 6-minute discussion that Ms. Duckworth states “grit is passion and perseverance for very long term goals”. That’s the character our father developed having to work in the local grocery store till it closed, people in the gym waiting for him to show up to play basketball for the high school team, or getting to the baseball field to suit up.  His passion and perseverance developed the grit to work hard for the family, to advance in the aircraft industry and succeed to the peak of that field.  I never heard him complain.  My mom often told a story about him that he always felt he was worth more financially than what a company was paying him. On one occasion, our father went to his boss and asked for a 10-cent raise. When it was denied, our father just got on the phone and call a contact. Before we knew it, we were moving across the country.  Our father understood his worth to God and to his profession.  The character of hard work was evident. 
 
There has never been any doubt in my mind that our father loved all of us kids and our mother.  He would tell us and show us.  I believe he would say, he worked so hard because he loved us and wanted to provide for us.  He was not a perfect dad but he was a “present” dad.  He took us to church, we had family meals, praying together, family devotions, we got in trouble, disciplined and were celebrated. We transitioned frequently from coast to coast not because we loved to move but our father was always thinking of how to provide for us better. When we moved to California, his job was in Van Nuys, however he did not want us to go to the large schools in that crowded area so he chose to drive 50 miles one way to work so we could live in a smaller town and go to a smaller school.  He couldn’t make my afternoon ballgames but his absence did not bring into question his love for me. I understood he was caring for us and loving us through his provision.  His love for his children was so important to him and he didn’t take kindly to someone being mean to any of us.
I always felt his encouragement to pursue my vocational interest.  He did wonder why some of us had not chosen professions that “paid” more however he was supported.  He wanted us to reach the top of whatever profession we had chosen.  He was supportive of education.  While he could have played college ball, he was drafted and was sent to Alabama to Ft. Rucker.  Of course, that was God’s plan because that is where he met my mother in church one Sunday.  So his education came in different forms, which equipped him to achieve a high level in his field.  He was a super big University of Oklahoma fan so he was one of my biggest supporters when I went to OU and graduated.

Our father’s counsel and advice was very sound.  I think we all discussed at some point what to do about something in our lives.  I remember my freshman year in college; I felt I should apply for a summer missionary job for 10 weeks. Okay, while it was a job, there was no pay.  I applied late and knew I had missed the deadline.  Well, as only God can ordain, I skipped a class one day and was in my room when the phone ran.  It was the Home Mission Board telling me that someone was not going to be able to accept the assignment in Flint Michigan and wanted to know if I could take it.  I knew immediately it would come down to my father’s input cause this was a whole summer without earning income for college.  I prayed and called my parents that night.  As I explained the position, my father was very quick to agree that I should take the opportunity.  I am fairly sure I was questioning if I had the wrong number.  It was certainly a God moment, however, our father made room for God in decisions and encouraged us to follow God’s direction.   He gave me counsel one time to keep a “poker face” and not to raise my eyebrow during an interview for Darrell when I heard the salary package.  He knew me so well. God used our father to give counsel, advice and speak direction in our lives.

These are the areas that I reflect back on in honoring my father.   He was a chain breaker.  What did he do? 
1. Laid a foundation of Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.
2. He had a strong work ethic, which propelled him into not only success in the world's eyes but in our eyes. 
3. He loved us.  It was his motivation in all that he did for us.
4. Our father encouraged us to reach our highest potential ……set those goals and get it done.
5. His counsel and advice served us all well. He wanted us to do what God was telling us to do.  
By God’s grace and redeeming power, we can all have healthier, God centered homes.

Blessings,
Karen