Friendships: Old and New

I enjoyed my time as a Brownie and Girl Scout.  Friendship was a core value of the organization. so much so that the Girl Scout song rang out with the importance,
Girl Scout Make New Friends.

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver, the other is gold.
A circle is round, it has no end.
That’s how long, I will be your friend.
A fire burns bright, it warms the heart.
We’ve been friends, from the very start.
You have one hand, I have the other.
Put them together, we have each other.
 
Friendship has been a topic I have given considerable thought to in recent years.  I think that moving so much in the past and then more recently moving in older age has driven me to consider what I value in friendship, developing new friendship and maintaining or rekindling old friendships.  I challenge each and every one of you to consider what you would enumerate as the most important traits of a friendship.  Additionally, how many “friends” have been successful in meeting your “standards” and how long were they able to maintain that position of friendship? 
 
When we were moms and dads with our little quivers, we encouraged friendships, instructed how to make friends, inquired of their friends…we wanted our children to have friends. For the most part, we valued friendships and viewed our children as successful if they were able to establish friendships. Scripture gives wisdom, direction, meaning, and value to what it means to be a friend.  In 1 Samuel 18, we enter the story of Saul as the first King of the Israelites.  King Saul had a son name Jonathan. However, due to decisions that King Saul made, his legacy of kingdom reign for his family was to be cut off and a young shepherd boy who was fearless, brave, and a champion, not only for his people but for his God, was to be the new King.  David had a heart after God and came into the life of King Saul when David demanded to be allowed to defeat the Philistine giant, Goliath who was defaming the name of David’s God. After David defeated Goliath, King Saul felt David was a threat to the legacy rule of his kingdom.  However in that complicated mess King Saul’s son Jonathan became a deep friend with David. Actually, the two had a strong loving bond. 
 
In 1 Samuel 18:1-4: After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.  And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.  Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
 
The prophet Samuel had anointed the shepherd boy David to be King. After David had won a significant battle, Jonathan gave his prince possessions and figuratively speaking his position to David.  Jonathan yielded his generational right to be king to what he knew was right in God’s eyes for the kingdom.  Jonathan gave his robe and tunic, representation of his position as prince and heir to the throne.  He gave David his sword, bow, belt, which signified strength, power and bravery.  Jonathan loved David his friend and recognized God’s hand on David to be the next King. 
 
The story of the friendship between Jonathan and David continued through the rest of 1st and 2nd Samuel.  Loyalty, care, “got your back” attitude, protection, allegiance and pledge of care for Jonathan’s son demonstrated the depth of their friendship.  Even in the death of Jonathan, David fulfilled his word to care for Jonathan’s son. My takeaway from this deep friendship is that friendships are good for the soul and can honor God. 
 
How many friends should we have?  Do I tell all of my hurts and needs to every one I talk with or spend time with in life? Psychologist Robin Dunbar developed what is known as the Dunbar number, which reflects 6 circles of friendship.  In the most inner circle, is 1.5 people which is reflective of ourselves and an intimate partner. In the 2nd circle, there are 5 close friends.  Some say 3-5 close friends.  Per Dr. Dunbar, these are the people that you have poured 200 hours into knowing them.  The 3rd circle has 15 best friends.  I wonder if any of you have 15 best friends.  For me, the words of the 2nd and 3rd circle would be reversed but I did not do the research, so it’s not mine to assign identification to.  The 4th circle has 50 good friends.  The 5th circle has 150 friends and the final 6th circle has 500 acquaintances or individuals, which you know their names.  I like the word acquaintances because right now, I am not sure I would remember all of their names.  This concept of friendship circles may be very familiar to you.  Begin to process through and put some of your “peeps” in the different circles.  If you are interested in them moving locations, start spending more time and exerting more effort toward them or in some cases less if you want to distance yourself.   One of my core values in a friendship is that it is reciprocated or is a mutual relationship.
 
There are individuals who due to trauma, distrust, abuse, and a lot more interferences or individuals who have Autism or have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have the inability, barriers or lack the skills to have friendship.  In these cases, the ability to develop relationships may be challenging however may be improved by intervention.
 
Are you thinking about starting new friendships or re-evaluating the friendships you currently have in life? Study these verses of wisdom from scripture (NIV) about friends.
 
Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 22:24-25 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
1 Corinthians 15:33  Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
 
Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Proverbs 27:5-6 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
 but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
 
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
 
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Job 42:10  After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.
 
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
 
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
 
Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
 
Luke 6:31  Do to others as you would have them do to you.
 
Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people,  holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
James 4:11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
 
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing  out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
 
Proverbs 16:28 A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
 
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
 
Job 6:14 Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
 
Job 16:21 My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God.
 
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
 
1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
 
Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
 
The truth is we all need friends.  It is one of the basic needs God created us to have… be in “community with one another. Friendships can have an emotional, mental, spiritual and even a healthy impact on us physically (that’s for all of you friends that walk together not only through the deep waters but down the street or in the park). Go be a friend.  Someone needs you as much as you need them.
 
Blessings,
Karen
My True Friend by Abimbola T. Alabi
You always answer when I call
And help me up if I should fall,
But you never complain at all,
My true friend.

You confront me when I am wrong
But will never scold me for long,
Instead, you try to keep me strong,
My true friend.

You know the funny things to say
To make me laugh my fears away.
Like the sun, you brighten my day,
My true friend.

You see in me gifts I deny
And urge me to give things a try.
You spread for me my wings to fly,
My true friend.

You always perceive what I need
And offer it before I plead.
Just like a book, my mind you read,
My true friend.

You value little things I do
But won’t brag of what you do too.
How can I ever repay you,
My true friend?

And greatest of all I have found
When times are tough and I’m down, You are the one who sticks around,
My true friend.