I enjoyed my time as a Brownie and Girl Scout.  Friendship was a core value of the organization. so much so that the Girl Scout song rang out with the importance,
Girl Scout Make New Friends.

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver, the other is gold.
A circle is round, it has no end.
That’s how long, I will be your friend.
A fire burns bright, it warms the heart.
We’ve been friends, from the very start.
You have one hand, I have the other.
Put them together, we have each other.
 
Friendship has been a topic I have given considerable thought to in recent years.  I think that moving so much in the past and then more recently moving in older age has driven me to consider what I value in friendship, developing new friendship and maintaining or rekindling old friendships.  I challenge each and every one of you to consider what you would enumerate as the most important traits of a friendship.  Additionally, how many “friends” have been successful in meeting your “standards” and how long were they able to maintain that position of friendship? 
 
When we were moms and dads with our little quivers, we encouraged friendships, instructed how to make friends, inquired of their friends…we wanted our children to have friends. For the most part, we valued friendships and viewed our children as successful if they were able to establish friendships. Scripture gives wisdom, direction, meaning, and value to what it means to be a friend.  In 1 Samuel 18, we enter the story of Saul as the first King of the Israelites.  King Saul had a son name Jonathan. However, due to decisions that King Saul made, his legacy of kingdom reign for his family was to be cut off and a young shepherd boy who was fearless, brave, and a champion, not only for his people but for his God, was to be the new King.  David had a heart after God and came into the life of King Saul when David demanded to be allowed to defeat the Philistine giant, Goliath who was defaming the name of David’s God. After David defeated Goliath, King Saul felt David was a threat to the legacy rule of his kingdom.  However in that complicated mess King Saul’s son Jonathan became a deep friend with David. Actually, the two had a strong loving bond. 
 
In 1 Samuel 18:1-4: After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.  And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.  Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
 
The prophet Samuel had anointed the shepherd boy David to be King. After David had won a significant battle, Jonathan gave his prince possessions and figuratively speaking his position to David.  Jonathan yielded his generational right to be king to what he knew was right in God’s eyes for the kingdom.  Jonathan gave his robe and tunic, representation of his position as prince and heir to the throne.  He gave David his sword, bow, belt, which signified strength, power and bravery.  Jonathan loved David his friend and recognized God’s hand on David to be the next King. 
 
The story of the friendship between Jonathan and David continued through the rest of 1st and 2nd Samuel.  Loyalty, care, “got your back” attitude, protection, allegiance and pledge of care for Jonathan’s son demonstrated the depth of their friendship.  Even in the death of Jonathan, David fulfilled his word to care for Jonathan’s son. My takeaway from this deep friendship is that friendships are good for the soul and can honor God. 
 
How many friends should we have?  Do I tell all of my hurts and needs to every one I talk with or spend time with in life? Psychologist Robin Dunbar developed what is known as the Dunbar number, which reflects 6 circles of friendship.  In the most inner circle, is 1.5 people which is reflective of ourselves and an intimate partner. In the 2nd circle, there are 5 close friends.  Some say 3-5 close friends.  Per Dr. Dunbar, these are the people that you have poured 200 hours into knowing them.  The 3rd circle has 15 best friends.  I wonder if any of you have 15 best friends.  For me, the words of the 2nd and 3rd circle would be reversed but I did not do the research, so it’s not mine to assign identification to.  The 4th circle has 50 good friends.  The 5th circle has 150 friends and the final 6th circle has 500 acquaintances or individuals, which you know their names.  I like the word acquaintances because right now, I am not sure I would remember all of their names.  This concept of friendship circles may be very familiar to you.  Begin to process through and put some of your “peeps” in the different circles.  If you are interested in them moving locations, start spending more time and exerting more effort toward them or in some cases less if you want to distance yourself.   One of my core values in a friendship is that it is reciprocated or is a mutual relationship.
 
There are individuals who due to trauma, distrust, abuse, and a lot more interferences or individuals who have Autism or have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have the inability, barriers or lack the skills to have friendship.  In these cases, the ability to develop relationships may be challenging however may be improved by intervention.
 
Are you thinking about starting new friendships or re-evaluating the friendships you currently have in life? Study these verses of wisdom from scripture (NIV) about friends.
 
Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 22:24-25 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
1 Corinthians 15:33  Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
 
Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Proverbs 27:5-6 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
 but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
 
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
 
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Job 42:10  After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.
 
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
 
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
 
Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
 
Luke 6:31  Do to others as you would have them do to you.
 
Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people,  holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
James 4:11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
 
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing  out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
 
Proverbs 16:28 A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
 
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
 
Job 6:14 Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
 
Job 16:21 My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God.
 
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
 
1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
 
Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
 
The truth is we all need friends.  It is one of the basic needs God created us to have… be in “community with one another. Friendships can have an emotional, mental, spiritual and even a healthy impact on us physically (that’s for all of you friends that walk together not only through the deep waters but down the street or in the park). Go be a friend.  Someone needs you as much as you need them.
 
Blessings,
Karen
My True Friend by Abimbola T. Alabi
You always answer when I call
And help me up if I should fall,
But you never complain at all,
My true friend.

You confront me when I am wrong
But will never scold me for long,
Instead, you try to keep me strong,
My true friend.

You know the funny things to say
To make me laugh my fears away.
Like the sun, you brighten my day,
My true friend.

You see in me gifts I deny
And urge me to give things a try.
You spread for me my wings to fly,
My true friend.

You always perceive what I need
And offer it before I plead.
Just like a book, my mind you read,
My true friend.

You value little things I do
But won’t brag of what you do too.
How can I ever repay you,
My true friend?

And greatest of all I have found
When times are tough and I’m down, You are the one who sticks around,
My true friend.

Today, Queen Elizabeth was celebrated and laid to rest.  There was an abundance of scripture to encourage all present and watching by television.  In time of loss, grief is very real and many may have asked, “Can we get through it all?  I know I can relate, as many of you can, having experience grief and loss of someone. The pain of the realization of the separateness from the person or position can be very emotional and weigh heavy on our hearts.  We look for comfort and resolution of the weight of the loss in our lives.
 
Many of us can recall a song that seems to strike cord of our being, addressing what was ailing us, and the “fix” we needed. In 1971, Andrea Crouch penned such a song “Though It All” that helped us to turn our eyes to Jesus for help.  The song was a strong force of support sung in churches across the US and world by soloist, adult and youth choirs.  Andrea Crouch sang the song in many venues including a Billy Graham crusade in New Mexico in 1975 along with giving his testimony.
 
C. Michael Hawn in an article on History of Hymns: Through It All (March 17,2021) discussed the autobiography written by Mr. Crouch (1945-2015) with Nina Ball in 1974.  Each chapter of the book highlights one of Mr. Crouch’s songs.  The first chapter is about “Through It All”. Mr. Hawn highlighted a portion of Mr. Crouch’s first chapter, which appeared to be a “commentary” on the stanzas of the song.
 
“The hardest thing about always being on the go is leaving your home, your local community, the relatives and friends you see every day to suddenly open up your life to everybody all over the world. You become involved with more and more people and there is so much heartache it can break you. I had to learn to rely totally on the Lord. Totally.
But God sends the mountains. . . to lift us up from the valleys. . ., and He gives us strength to travel through it all—through the up times and through the down times. I just thank Him for everything, all the tears—tears of sorrow, tears of joy—for the problems, and the trust, the faith, His Word, His Holy Spirit, and for Jesus. Through it all He brings a blessed harmony to life. Knowing Him, belonging to Him, is enough. Praise His name (Crouch, 1974, p. 17).”
 
What a beautiful commentary of the song Mr. Crouch wrote and the heart from which it flowed. For so many of us, we have been on the mountains and in the valleys. We have had tears (and I mean a lot of tears) both of sorrow and joy.  Mr. Couch connects the problem to trust, faith, His Word, His Holy Spirit and Jesus.  This is a helpful summation of where we can go with the tears.
 
However, I want to expand this thought to call what many of us experience with loss as “grief”.  Some may think that term is only to be used in the loss of a love one however, we can have grief in many areas such as divorce, and loss of employment, natural disasters and the list can go on.  In discussion of grief, whether by a therapist, chaplain, layperson or someone familiar with grief, the Kubler-Ross model of grief is usually used in discussing 5 primary responses to loss.
 
Denial: “This can’t be happening”
Anger: “Why is this happening to me?”
Bargaining: “I will do anything to change this.”
Depression: “What’s the point of going on after this loss?”
Acceptance: “It’s going to be okay.” 
 
You would be the exception if you have not experienced grief about an event in your life.  When the loss happens, it is hard to accept and we may even be in a period of denial.  Love ones or professionals should be honest about the loss to help with this stage of grief. 
 
Upon grasping the loss, anger may appear.  The individual may be angry with themselves or others.  Life feels unfair and someone else is to blame.
 
An individual may feel they can delay or change the loss by bargaining. Some of us may have tried bargaining with God to spare our love one’s life.  We beg the partner to not leave or demand treatment for a terminal condition.
 
When we realize that the loss has happened or will occur, we may want to be by ourselves, crying and grieving. The individual acknowledges the loss and depression happens before acceptance.
 
In the final stage, the person accepts the loss. Both emotionally and logically, the person comes to term with the situation.
 
We all grieve differently.  We need to give each other space, time and guard our judgment of how someone grieves.  Some are quick to process through the stages and some may feel “stuck” in one of the stages. When it becomes overwhelming and impacts the person’s life for years (complicated grief), the person may need professional intervention to work out all of the emotions, thoughts and impact about the loss.
 
Grief is a normal process and varies for individuals, cultures, people and situations.
 
Intervention by a professional is not always needed.
 
A very small percentage of people have complicated grief, which can be treated by a therapist.
 
How can we minister to someone who is experiencing grief?  Listen, be present if they allow, physical touch if they are open such as a hug, holding a hand or an arm around their shoulder.  See to their physical needs such as drink, food, and assistance with home duties or errands. Provide a list of scripture with the location and verses printed.
 
Can we get through it all?  All of the grief we are bearing, feeling lost and without hope?  Yes, we can through God’s help and others that God brings to us to comfort and encourage us.  We can cling to scripture, the anchor of truth.
 
Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
 
Romans 15:3 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
 
John 11:25-26 "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me will live, even though they die. Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
 
Lamentations 3:31-32   For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
 
Through It All
I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.
I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.
I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do

Queen Elizabeth II
04/21/1926 – 09/08/2022
 
What can I say that hasn’t already been said about Queen Elizabeth II?  My intent is really to be one of many to honor a life well lived. This phrase; a life well lived encompasses so much more than material possession.  If we just look at the Queen Elizabeth’s life based on possessions, we would do a disservice to her entire life and all that her life entailed. Some would describe her as a woman of position, power, possessions and privilege but lets keep those 4 P’s in context.  Queen Elizabeth was born into this position, which passed to her upon the death of her father.  Actually, her uncle, King Edward VIII abdicated his role as King to marry an American woman who was divorced and Queen Elizabeth’s father became King George VI.   Queen Elizabeth was the eldest child with no brothers but a younger sister to her father. By law, Queen Elizabeth was heiress to the throne. The Word of God addresses possessions in Luke 12:15.  “Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”  So setting aside the abundance of her possessions, let’s talk about what her life really did consist of and how she was able to handle the role of Queen for 70 years.

When I think of Queen Elizabeth, I think of some wonderful descriptive words.  She was a servant to her people.  That may seem strange since she was a Queen but she embraced a role of servant hood to the people she represented, working on their behalf. The Queen was a woman of integrity, fortitude, wisdom, grace, and kindness with an unbelievable responsibility to her kingdom and people. Those are just a few words to depict a woman of honor.  A woman whose life was well lived in the path that was laid before her.
 
The day of her death, Anne Graham Lotz posted an exert from a book given to her parents by Queen Elizabeth’s pastor called The Servant Queen and the King she serves. The exert page of the book contained a statement by Queen Elizabeth.
 
“I know just how much I rely on my faith to guide me through the good time and the bad. Each day it is a new beginning. I know that the only way to live my life is to try to do what is right, to take the long view, to give of my best in all that the day brings, and to put my trust in God…I draw strength from the message of hope in the Christian Gospel.”
 
None of us have ever walked in Queen Elizabeth’s 2.5 inch heeled shoes because we have our own. However, there are some treasures in her statement that we can value as she did in her life. This is the core of how her life was well lived.
 

1. The Queen relied on her faith to guide her.
2. The Queen needed that faith to guide her through the good and bad times.
3. Each day was a new beginning. 
4. For the Queen, the only way to live was to try to do what was right,
5.  She chose to “take the long view” ( I take that to mean not just momentarily thinking but future thinking and view)
6. To give of her best in all that the day brings,
7. To put her trust in God.
8. Draw strength from the message of hope in the Christian Gospel.

 
A life well lived is a life anchored in faith in Jesus Christ, trust in Father God and empowered by the Holy Spirit. 1 Peter 5:6-10 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  We draw our faith and guidance from God.”
 
Externally looking, it’s easy to not see the challenging or “bad” times she encountered in her life, but they were there.  Good times such as marriage, children, grandchildren, special events but difficult times of family conflict, divorce, estrangement, criticism, judgment etc. equally consumed her life. Her faith, our faith in God gets us through those deep dark days. 
 
Queen Elizabeth recognized that each day was a new beginning. Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. We too can walk into each morning with a new beginning.”
 
For Queen Elizabeth, each day was an opportunity to do what was right to do, with a “long view”, and doing her best in what she faced each day.  Let us seize the opportunity to do our best in whatever God brings to us each day. Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
 
And finally, Queen Elizabeth put her trust in God, not herself and drew strength from the message of hope in the Christian Gospel.  That Gospel means “good new” which is the salvation message of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
 
Let us take some notes from this page in the life of Queen Elizabeth’s story, so we too can have a life well lived. In keeping with British style, chin up, keep a stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on.  Let’s make the adjustments now.
Blessings,
Karen.
 
 

Happy Labor Day! Thanks to all of you who work so hard at your job with fidelity and integrity.  Recently, Darrell has begun to thank the person who is helping us in the store, shop, drive thru etc. for coming to work that day.  We are thankful for their help and making our trip to Sonic or wherever successful. 
 
Speaking of stores, I had gone to our local neighborhood store to pick up a bunch of items since the kids were coming for Labor Day.  As I was shopping for groceries, I began to notice that some packaged items appeared to be smaller. I picked up a package of chocolate chip cookie mix. The price appeared the same as what I usually paid, so I picked up 2 packages and continued on my way. At home, I began to prepare both packs together using the same amount of butter I always used.  I noticed it looked different in the bowl.  Before I added the mix, I read the amount for butter and realized I had added double amount. Each of the packages of mix was actually half of what I typically purchased.  I had not lost my “cookies” but the package was smaller for about the same price.  Have you guys experienced this?
 
I was telling Darrell about what happened with the cookie mix.  Darrell was quick to tell me there was actually a term for that tactic, Shrinkflation.  According to Investopedia the definition is: Shrinkflation is a term made up of two separate words: shrink and inflation. The "shrink" in shrinkflation relates to the change in product size, while the "-flation" part refers to inflation—the rise in the price level. Shrinkflation is basically a form of hidden inflation. Companies are aware that customers will likely spot product price increases...
 
I feel duped! That is just one word to describe my feelings along with others such as conned, tricked, deceived, cheated, fooled, bamboozled and so much more.  It actually reminded me of the first occurrence of such tactics in world history, the incident of Eve being deceived.   
 
Genesis 3:1-7
 Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”  The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’”  The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die!  For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”  When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.  Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
The serpent was very crafty.  The serpent devised a scheme to deceive Eve, which then led to Adam, by using partial truth.  God had given Adam and Eve truth of the garden in Genesis 2:16-17.  The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely;  but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”  The serpent first posed to Eve “You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” in a question form which created doubt, questioning and that there were other possibilities. Eve repeated what God had told her. However, the serpent challenged her understanding and belief in the truth God had spoken to them by questioning whether they would surely die.
The serpent brazenly claimed that God had hidden the truth because God knew if they ate the fruit their eyes would be opened and they would be like God. That idea was planted in Eve’s mind and then gave way to sin when Eve then Adam ate the fruit.  Eve saw the tree to be good for food, a delight to the eyes and she had the desire to be wise.   The couple recognized their nakedness and hid from God.  Their sin separated them from God and fear set in. 
In our current period of history, we are being bombarded by deception in so many areas.  Some deceptions are liken to the shrinkflation but others are more like a complete “fruit basket turn over”, tossing our long held beliefs into an abyss.  The replaced thoughts and practices create incredible suppositions we cannot ignore or believe. For us Christians, the standards have shifted from what we learned from scripture to human wisdom.
What does God’s word say?
Psalm 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth  forever.”
Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 14:8 “The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit.”
James 1:5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
James 3:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
Proverbs 4:5-7 “Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”

Where do we get wisdom to navigate the onslaught of what we are facing in our point in history?  God’s word, which is infallible, verifiable, and truthful that will guide us, exposing the deception of the evil one. Let’s be wise in the truth of God not in the world.  We need to question what we are being told, what we are reading and hearing.
 
Blessings,
Karen